Ponderings of a 22-year-old me

March 11, 2013 § 4 Comments

While writing my most recent post, I went in search of a quote I noted down some time ago (I apologize in advance to those of you who have subscribed to my blog via email and are subsequently receiving a double load of emails tonight).

Though I haven’t kept up with it recently, I have a habit of writing down quotes I like and things that make me laugh in a little notebook that I always carry with me. It’s a habit I have had for years. My friend Nicole even presented me with a printed book version of my first little notebook for my 21st birthday.

Quote books

I am a sucker for a good quote, a quality I adopted from my mama. I spent countless hours during my childhood flipping through her books on quotes. A quote can describe exactly what you feel in a more eloquent way than you ever could. As for the things that made me laugh, I wrote them down because I wanted those moments to exist forever.

So, while writing my last post, I was reminded of a quote by the Dalai Lama about perception and how only you control your perception of others actions. Unfortunately, I wasn’t able to find it. However, I did find myself caught up in my past inspirations. Some of the things that once made me laugh are not so funny anymore, but their memory still holds meaning.

As I was finishing up my read-through of the first one, I stumbled across some thoughts I’d stuffed in on the last pages of the notebook. As I read them, I was transported to my first month living in Norway. It’s so easy to forget who we were before we became who we are.

Ponderings of a 22-year-old me

On learning Norwegian:

I feel an even deeper need to learn faster, fueled by the guilt I feel for how my lack of conversational skills hinders general conversations. Anyone in my presence will speak English out of respect, regardless of whether or not the conversation is directed towards me. I wonder about the awkwardness they feel talking to each other with their limited English vocabularies.

The language barrier is sometimes a test of my self-esteem. A lot of times I stop to wonder whether the person I’m speaking with simply finds me boring or if they have no idea what I am saying and are just nodding and smiling blatantly in response.

On seeing other Americans and wanting them to notice me:

I want so badly for something about me or on me to momentarily appear familiar so that the Americans will engage me in conversation. The man looks at me every now and then, possibly acknowledging my expression or recognition of a common language in my face. The girl however is fully engaged in her story and I find myself satisfied to simply witness her typical American phrases and slang.

Here I am, stuck at a bus stop in the freezing cold, with a typical Norwegian girl, two Americans, a young boy dressed in true American emo style, and a crazy lady carrying a plastic bag full of everything, including what appears to be the better part of a vacuum.

In a reflective state:

How easily accessible your memories are when you are experiencing a transition in your life. As I stare at the snow, my mind almost immediately begins to play the movie reels of my memories, almost as though my brain is trying to fill in the black space of snow I stare at.

How fearful we can be of the unknown. Almost as if we feel we aren’t good enough or strong enough to rise to the occasion.

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