Tie it to a Goal

September 3, 2014 § 5 Comments

During an unintentional philosophical discussion with my brother today (on Skype), he shared with me the following quote:

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The topic of discussion was one of our favorites: the pursuit of greatness. We were raised to be the best possible versions of ourselves at all times. We were raised to seek out challenges and the dark corners of the unknown. We were taught to accept a constant state of change as a means of fulfilling all that of which we are capable. I remember one instance very well, which I’m sure my mom will love to see that I’ve shared here. I was about 8 or 9 years old and we had been given our very first report cards at school. I remember very clearly that we had no idea what any of it meant. We stared blankly at our own cards for a while and finally began comparing ours to each others in efforts of understanding what the letters meant. I soon learned that mine were what was considered “good” and couldn’t wait to go home and show them off. When I finally brought it to my mom, she saw my “B” and said, “That’s good, Bianca, but what did you do wrong?”.

I’m sure that garners an array of reactions, but for me, that is one of my favorite memories. Sure, it didn’t feel so great then. I didn’t really understand what she meant, much less what the grade itself meant. What I did learn was that I could do better and most importantly that I should strive to do better. I learned that I was capable of the best if I worked hard enough and smart enough. And it was later that I would learn that the act of even striving for the best made me stronger, regardless the outcome.

On Monday morning, we begin medicine. Yes, we are two years in. We started at the basic of the basic. We fought through classes we didn’t see the point of and survived exams that felt completely unrelated to our chosen career path. In those two years, we learned the entire healthy human body, in and out, and now, we will learn everything that can go wrong with it. As one of my TAs (teaching assistants) told me a couple of weeks ago, “Now, you start medical school.”.

It still feels a little scary. Sometimes I catch myself thinking things like “this is where they are going to find out I’m a fraud” or “This is where I’ll realize I’ll never be a doctor”. Scary, mean thoughts, I know, but they are there nonetheless. I used to be more affected by thoughts like that, more so by ones I had of myself than those others had of me. Over time I’ve come to realize that I find them motivational, in a twisted kind of way. Those thoughts arise when I need a little kick. Nothing motivates me more than telling me I can’t do something. (Example: Jannie moved this past weekend and Skjalg told me I couldn‘t carry the four large, packed IKEA bags I was eyeballing (he actually said “don’t” because he knows how I react to “you can’t”, but I heard it as the latter). What did I do? I loaded up! And I’ve got a strand of broken blood vessels on my shoulder to prove it.)

I’ve spent the majority of the past 24 hours putting together my schedule for this next semester. Spending so much time organizing classes I know so little about unleashed a flood gate of negative motivating thoughts. There is a lot more pressure on us this year because we no longer have our schedules planned for us. There are schedule suggestions, but we no longer have to adhere to our oh-so-comforting group number. Bye, bye, Group 12! Hello, Change!

Throughout this planning marathon, I’ve been thinking about Baba Shiv’s TEDtalk “Sometimes it’s good to give up the driver’s seat”:

Oh, how I wish I could give up the driver’s seat for this semester schedule! But no, it’s time to step up and embrace the change once more.

At 18:00 tomorrow, 180 or so of us will furiously activate our semesters in the online registration system and go head-to-head in a battle for the classes of our choosing. Each of the subjects is divided into about 15 groups and each group has only 9-12 spots. We’ve gotten recommendations from students who have completed 3rd year about which professors to take and have built up potential schedules from those recommendations. Jannie, Skjalg and I are planning on taking as many classes together as possible, but have been warned that no one ever gets the schedule they want. I think it’s safe to say I’m a little stressed…

Otherwise, a lot has happened these past two weeks, including the end of nursing practice, the passing of my 27th birthday (which I spent alone *party*), Skjalg’s two-day stop off in Budapest before flying off to Thailand with his dad, and Jannie’s return to Budapest, complete with a move to a new apartment and visit from her two sisters.

Now I am off to bed, registration day awaits!

Nurses tried to find something for us to do, so they printed out their information sheet. At least I know the average weights of babies/children now!

Nurses tried to find something for us to do, so they printed out their information sheet. At least I know the blood pressure ranges of babies/children now! (Look how easy the Hungarian is, Mom! 😛 )

Cheers to this random guy, who kept photobombing this newscaster no matter how hard the cameraman tried to avoid him. Made me laugh hysterically – and out loud! – at the gym. I blame the endorphins. He even got his own sign-off!

Procession of St. Stephen's Hand on August 20th

Procession of St. Stephen’s Hand on August 20th

View of the fireworks on August 20th from the comfort of our dining area

View of the fireworks on August 20th from the comfort of our dining area

Happy birthday to me! Looks so gross, I know. Made myself a protein cake with protein ice cream, which I enjoyed while Skyping with my brother - who made sure to laugh at the site of it!

Happy birthday to me! Looks so gross, I know. Made myself a protein cake with protein ice cream, which I enjoyed while Skyping with my brother – who made sure to laugh at the site of it!

:)

🙂

Lots of books to sell at the book fair this Friday (5th)!!!

Lots of books to sell at the book fair this Friday (5th)!!!

A happy, happy day when Buda-B got accepted as an anatomy TA. Watch out, Group 14, here I come!

A happy, happy day when Buda-B got accepted as an anatomy TA. Watch out, Group 14, here I come! (I’ll be a teaching assistant to my former anatomy professor 😀 )

2014-08-29 21.14.24

Sklajg’s first day back in Budapest, before heading off to Thailand. It was my replacement birthday and we spent the day in the park sipping sipping champagne – perfection!

2014-08-29 19.28.42

Bubbles and snacks! Tuna salad, holiday dip with greek yogurt and veggies

2014-08-29 21.34.52

My first attempt at proteinpow.com's spinach pancakes - topped with greek yogurt and Walden Farms pancake syrup.

My first attempt at proteinpow.com’s spinach pancakes – topped with greek yogurt and Walden Farms pancake syrup.

Drive-by opera sighting

Drive-by opera sighting

Don't forget to look up when in Budapest. You never know just how beautiful the buildings are going to be.

Don’t forget to look up when in Budapest. You never know just how beautiful the buildings are going to be.

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§ 5 Responses to Tie it to a Goal

  • I can totally relate to the “they are going to find out I’m a fraud” thing. I can’t tell you how many times I’ve thought that during my teaching experiences over the years. Even made me tear up to know that I’m not the only one who has those thoughts. Congratulations on getting the TA position. Go YOU!!! Can’t wait to see what schedule you get. XOXO!

  • Antonio Fiorentino says:

    Even though I was a wiz at science and math in secondary school, it took one year of university to realize my mind was not into the calculation and reduction of things, but into the integration of meanings as they are encountered in life. I chose Philosophy. Part of your consciousness flows in the stream of the Perennial Philosophy and you are doing an amazing job of it, in spite of the fact that your primary project at this point requires you to dwell in the other half of your brain. Quite a task, but you are doing it! But never doubt that in the first half you already belong and excel. You can take your grandpa’s word for it.
    Congratulations on you being chosen as TA.

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