When you’re going through hell…
November 10, 2014 § 4 Comments
This is actually the first ever post written from my phone and I’m writing it as I lie in bed (“trying” to sleep). I’m writing in an attempt to clear my mind from the chaos that resides there. I’m so stimulated during the day that I’ve actually started “fearing” bedtime. Without some bacteria or disease to keep my brain busy, it starts to wander. I lay in the darkness and try to bat away all the thoughts and stresses I’ve pushed aside during the day, but they’re becoming too overwhelming. I need sleep to function, but function too much to sleep – what kind of conundrum is that?
Third year is not what I expected at all. I feel like there is no way out from under all this material. The weeks fly by in what feels like seconds and I’m struggling greatly to get good quality studying done. The 9 hours I spend at school each day (Monday to Friday) simply take all my energy and replace it with a load of material that will take me twice (really more like 4 times) as long to cover on my own time. Once I’ve dragged myself home, I have the weight of 1) things I need to review from the day, 2) things I need to review for tomorrow, and 3) things I need to make – up. Midterms (which went well) threw me completely off my game and I don’t know if I’ll be able to catch my footing before exam period starts in 4 weeks. (Oh no… 4 weeks!)
The biggest issue I have right now is efficiency. I’m spending way too much time on single topics and going way too into detail. I just don’t know when to stop! I want to know everything. If it’s in the book, I feel like I should know it. I have such a hard time knowing what information to leave behind and what to focus on – and I feel like that is what I need to do to survive this. I gave myself time limits for some of my tasks today. I did the first two in time, but the third, well, I had planned 1.5 hours and I only got 1/3 done in almost 4 hours! I only have 5 or 6 hours to study when I get home from school so something needs to change.
On that note, I’m off to search for some positive thoughts to lull me to sleep. I love studying medicine. I’m so lucky to get to learn the things we are learning. I should be proud of having come as far as I have and that I am able to understand the books I read everyday. This is exactly where I want to be. I don’t want to be anywhere else. I’m lucky to be here. One day, I’m going to be a doctor. And that will be the best day ever!