November 20, 2017 § 8 Comments

It’s midnight on Sunday and I actually had to force myself to stop studying and go to bed. At this point, I honestly feel like I could just go on forever, until my body is nothing but a pile of dust. I think this last little spurt of motivation and energy is because I can finally see the finish line. I need to be careful though, because this finish line is not actually a finish line…it’s another marathon. It’s THE marathon. And if I go sprinting towards it, there won’t be anything left of me when it actually counts. 
Today I finished my second round of UWORLD. Together with the NBMES and UWORLD simulation exam I’ve done, that brings me to around 6,000 questions reviewed for this exam. I did all of my questions in blocks of 40 (timed and random) and it took me anywhere from two to eight hours (if not more) to review a block (to read through the explanations and cover corresponding theory).

Tomorrow, I’ll start my day with my last simulation exam before the real thing on Friday. I’m a little nervous because getting a bad result will really destroy my confidence. As I get closer and closer to this exam, I feel myself losing control of my ability to rationalize and to quell my fears and anxiety. I’ve put so much time, energy and money into this exam and I’m scared that I’ll blow it. That I’ll sit there and know nothing. I know that’s not the case, but again, rational thought and control are segmented now (just like the lesions of temporal arteritis). Yes, social skills are still on point. 

Otherwise, I’m going through my endless notes and flashcards, rehearsing my mnemonics and trying not to let my mind wander into any dark places. I can’t believe this week is finally here…

Indication of my mental state – this just had my laughing HYSTERICALLY for a good 2 minutes straight:

§ 8 Responses to #soon

  • ekpsie says:

    Bianca hang in there! Your journey has been looong. You have traits and developed skills that make you an excellent doctor. You obviously love what you’re doing, you’re dedicated, passionate and can clearly inspire us all. Keep it up and if you can, don’t forget you’re on the top of the mountain. As a perigraduation med student, you know more than you’ll ever will. It’s terrifying, and it’s mainly not from practicing medicine. But, it’s so powerful, so amazingly exciting. Enjoy it. Keep up the hard and so good work you’re doing. We know that results do matter, but don’t forget to be proud for every part of this challenging exam preparation process. USMLE is the emperor of the exams. You’re getting there.
    My best of the best wishes,
    Elena (a 2003 SOTE medical graduate that found medical school really tough, now a radiologist being extremely inspired by you; so much that I’d love to have another shot and study medicine from scratch)

    P.S. Thanks so much for inspiring me Bianca!

    • Buda B says:

      I can’t tell you how much your message means to me. After a long night of tossing and turning, it was the perfect thing to wake up to. Thank you so, so much! I’m really touched and honored 😊

  • Girl I’m pulling for you. Love you! I know you got this.

  • Varun says:

    Best of luck Bianca. You’re going to go great. 👍🏻

  • Antonio Fiorentino says:

    You will make it Bianca, and I am looking forward to celebrate when we meet in December. Don’t forget to listen to your body and your mind. They have carried you this far. Love grandpa

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